It’s October, and it’s time to talk about what scares you. Listen, I’ve seen your social media posts. You’re that person whom- back in gorgeous, perfect July- was like, “I can’t wait for the leaves to turn, sweaters, campfires, pumpkin spice everything and Halloween.”
If that’s really how you feel, how ‘bout I snatch up your next summer for myself and you can have my fall and the slurry of freakin’ football controversies, frost, squash and daggone nutmeg that comes with it? I digress, but I don’t apologize: I’m in seasonal mourning.
Now, back to the topic at hand… Phobias. Even you fall lovers have them. I know, you’ve told me. You LOVE Halloween! You’ve seen the new IT movie 13x (muhaha!) You decorate your foyer with Jason masks. You squeal with joy when watching blindfolded children place their trembling fingers in a bowl of peeled grapes. When black cats cross your path it causes only spontaneous skipping. You’d shake Freddy Krueger’s sharp little hand. You’d move to damn Elm Street- you don’t care!
(I’ve never seen any of those movies, FYI, but through my book research I learned that there once lived a particularly heinous Nazi SS official named Friedrich-Wilhelm Kruger who organized numerous horrific crimes against humanity during the WWII. He killed himself as the Allies closed their dragnet, but nightmare fodder nonetheless.)
I’m not a Halloween freak, myself. Why? Oh gah, here she goes again…
Fear isn’t supposed to entertain us. It’s supposed to literally scare us, trigger our adrenaline and get our dumb asses out of whatever situation freaked us out in the first place. Sometimes I’m so annoyed at our culture. Being scared is like the new American hobby. We stand in long lines for “amusement” rides that dangle us off cliffs and drop us from the tops of buildings and call it “fun” and “a rush.”
Strap a damn dog to a rollercoaster and watch it nearly freaking die of fright. But no one would do that. It would be “cruel.” Why? Because the dog has instincts; it thinks it’s dying. A dog doesn’t know that rollercoasters are “safe” and that you can “trust” the engineering and the people running it. It doesn’t know that we’re just pretending to die for fun. What the…?
Maybe I’m a cynical, but I put my life in NO ONE’s hands without some real, vested fear.
Rollercoasters, no. Mountain climbing, no. Bungee jumping, no. Sky diving???? Go directly to hell with that.
Airplanes, if there is truly no other choice. But I will cry. And you will buy me wine from the nice lady’s cart and explain aerodynamics to me and list off bullcrap statistics and I’ll put in my earbuds, listen to the calming, gentle melodies of The Nutcracker Suite and sob quietly until I fall asleep. And when I do, refill my wine. Stat.
So I guess you could say I, like 19.2 million other Americans aged 18 and up, have phobias. But what IS a phobia? Spoiler Alert: It’s more than just a fear.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) designates a phobia to be a persistent, irrational fear of a particular object or circumstance. And there are two types: specific phobias and social phobias. Specific phobias revolve around objects or concepts, while social phobias can induce paralyzing anxiety in situations like school, work, parties or family gatherings.
Heights (acrophobia) and flying (aerophobia) are some of MY specific phobias. But are they actually phobias or just fears? If all our basic instincts point to something being incredibly dangerous, can we bill it as “irrational?” I’m afraid of plunging to the ground from 20 stories in the air. Is that really irrational? Are we honestly THAT cocky in our human abilities? Maybe I was raised with enough Catholic fear of God to think maybe we should be humbler than to think we’re that invincible. Men weren’t designed to fly at 30,000 feet. So color me peeing my pants when I have to. I argue whether heights/flying are true “phobias.”
But the other one. It’s a real phobia because it’s honestly just stupid. I’m afraid of… mice. Ah! I didn’t even like typing that! Go ahead. Laugh. I know.
One time a few Christmas Eves ago, my husb and I returned from midnight mass in time to see a tiny mouse scurry into the bushes. I lost it. Full blown screaming/sobbing/panic attack. A meltdown that lasted for hours as my poor guy had to drive me around town in circles in the wee hours of Christmas because we could “never ever, ever go back there again.”
Ya’ll we were in the dang car and the mouse was outside! It couldn’t have “gotten” me. And what would it do if it approached me? I always picture it crawling up my pant leg… Ho, is it getting warm in here? I can’t stop swallowing. I’m holding my throat. I’m panicking. Hold on, actually I’m surrounded by cats. I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok…
My mom thinks this is ridiculous. I’ve watched her legit slay mice with her bare hands like a badass. Ok, well, once decades ago she thwapped one onto a sticky trap and became the hero we all both needed and deserved. She saved my life that day. Amazing.
She didn’t understand though, and she used to get frustrated with me…
Why are you jumping on the bed screaming while holding all the landline phone receivers? (Literally, “who ya gonna call?” Mouse Busters?)
Why are you sleeping on the kitchen counter? That’s where all the food is, btw… just sayin’.
Why are you listening to a WORD your brothers have to say? They’re trying to torture you.
But it’s my phobia. And I’m not alone. One in every 10 Americans suffer from some type of phobia. My fear of heights and mice don’t stop me from living my life except in situations where I have to face them. Heights can be planned for, while mice can appear, well, unannounced. (PS- don’t even ask me about rats. I don’t even know what those are. If my brain had to acknowledge that rats were real and living in the same world as me, I would literally lose my mind on the spot. They killed a third of Europe with their filth in 1348, ok? Need I go on? Shout out to the kids in my 4/5 period who put the plastic rat in my school bag on the 2013 Gettysburg trip. They bought a flashing “Kelly” keychain at the gift shop and hooked it to its tail. They named it KD45. Yeah, I’m looking at you Zach. Dang I miss those brats!)
(My mom also says I shouldn’t blog about this type of thing. That if people know your weaknesses, they’ll find a way to use them against you. Hmm… I picture the evil genius crafty enough to find a way to strap me to the top of a skyscraper with my head stuck in a box filled with critters. There wouldn’t be time. Madness would ensue in the elevator on the way up, and the sweet release of death would take me to Paradise where an army of razor-sharp kittens would ensure my safety for eons upon a well-grounded field of wildflowers. Ahhhh.)
Same...
Anyway, the heart of a phobia is anxiety. Did you know that specific phobias can pop up at any time in a person’s life, while most social phobias are usually conceived between the ages of 15-20, sometimes younger? Also, social phobias, the NIMH has found, often have hereditary factors.
It makes sense to me that my specific phobia might be attached to a social phobia: my dad had always been my superhero defending me against potential evil mice until I lost him when I was 14. In the coming years, was my subconscious wondering how, if a mouse showed up after that, I would ever be safe again? Who would save me? Would I go through my whole life being the girl without a protector? Seems legit. (Even though my ma was Wonder Woman herself.)
Oh, and guess what dad’s phobia was? Heights.
Isn’t it annoying how our brains work sometimes?
Studies have shown that men and women both experience phobias, with men actually being more likely to seek professional help to cope. And it’s very common for people with social phobias to develop substance abuse problems as they try to assuage the accompanying anxiety. Sometimes socialphobics even meld into agoraphobics, being unable to leave their homes and encounter that wide, scary world and all the horrors they feel it holds.
Top 10 Phobias
What about YOUR phobias? Below, I complied a Top 10 List of all the most prevalent fears torturing Americans today and let you in on how psychologists are trying to treat them.
10. Trypophobia- Fear of Clustered Holes: Have you ever looked at a lotus seed pod or a honeycomb or someone’s gaping pores and felt… uncomfortable? I have! Ahhh! Researchers are split this being a legit phobia, and a study tested whether the patterns of (often color-contrasting) holes triggered something in our human instincts to fear poisonous animals, which also usually have vibrantly patterned physical markings. That study was proven false. For me, it’s that “diseased-looking” factor. I believe humans have a natural aversion to anything that looks infected, pock-marked or out-broken and in my eyes, this “ish” is naaaaasty!
9. Aerophobia- Fear of Flying: Duh. I just read that you’re more likely to become a professional athlete than get in a plane crash. Um, have you met me? Mine’s going down. BTW- Shout out to the people on the flight to our honeymoon who wouldn’t let my new husband and I sit together. I hope you still hear my sobs in your nightmares.
8. Mysophobia – Fear of Germs: Coined by a doctor studying OCD and compulsive hand-washing, mysophobia is a fear of dirt, filth and contamination, often leading to OCDish tendencies and occasionally agoraphobic behavior, avoiding all contact with potentially infected objects/places/people.
7. Claustrophobia- Fear of Enclosed Spaces: Ah, remember that adorable after-school favorite Saved By The Bell? How about the phrase “dead ringer?” Well, back in the day when the cholera epidemic reached its peak, so did the incidences of people being buried alive. With conventional medicine in his infancy, being pronounced dead when you were still kickin’ became everyone’s worst nightmare. So the “Safety Coffin” (and our cultural claustrophobia) was born; a string was placed in the buried “corpse’s” hands so that if they woke up, they could sound the alarm, hence these dead ringers could be saved by the bell. Edgar Allan Poe wrote three incredibly famous stories on claustrophobia and being buried alive. And I’ve written one myself. So be on the lookout for my next book, “The Amerian Locket.” ;) xoxox
6. Astraphobia- Fear of Thunder and Lightning: My favorite cat used to hide behind the toilet during thunderstorms. Up to 30% of animals and countless people suffer from this affliction. (I don’t like that insane cracking, ripping thunder myself. But I’m more scared of those social media posters [whom I like to call the Internet Genius Brigade] who put an “e” in the word lightning. UGH.) The professional remedy for astraphobia is usually exposure therapy- listening to and watching thunder and lightning storms repeatedly until some of the fear dissipates.
5. Cynophobia- Fear of Dogs: Often occurring as a result of a bad experience or lack of experience with dogs in early childhood, cynophobia is a fear many people harbor. They say dogs “smell your fear” and that’s somewhat true. Most cynophobes don’t know that dogs recognize humans as the alpha being and thus mimic our reactions. If you show a dog you’re scared, he’ll be scared, too, and with fear comes that fight or flight mechanism that can make dogs look aggressive around fearful humans. If you send out vibes of calm and friendliness, the dog should mimic that behavior as well, leading to a more positive experience.
4. Agoraphobia- Fear of Open OR Crowded Spaces: More than 200,000 people in the US today currently battle agoraphobia, according to the Mayo Clinic, and for most it will be a lifelong fight. Agoraphobes, in the most severe form, are tethered to the closed off, home-based worlds they’ve created, unable to work or go out because of their debilitating fears. Talk therapy, medication and small victories are said to be the best medicine for coping with the issue.
3. Acrophobia- Fear of Heights- Reportedly, 2-5% of the population suffers from a fear of heights, so I’m in good company. The trademark of the fear is the onset of panic when one isn’t high up enough to sustain injury. For instance, if I stand on a ladder five feet off the ground, I’m scared. So it’s not so much the height as it is a fear of uncertainty. I told you. Trust issues.
2. Ophidiophobia- Fear of Snakes: In several studies, humans were show photographs of well-camouflaged animals in the wild. While we were less keen to pick out frogs, caterpillars, fish or flowers, most people were innately capable of finding the hidden snakes. It seems that nature designed us that way. Let’s face it, snakes shouldn’t be a phobia either! Anything that can bite you, inject you with lethal poison or strangle you to death does not constitute an “irrational” fear! Again, I argue that we should respect nature and with respect often comes a good healthy dose of fear.
1. Arachnophobia- Fear of Spiders: Researchers are fascinated by the spider phenomenon, but most agree it’s the number one phobia in the country. In fact, even most of those Halloween junkies I know also have arachnophobia. The American Psychological Association looked into the fear of spiders and determined that it’s not the bite that scares people, it’s the “legginess” and the erratic movements spiders make that freak people out. It’s also conditioning.
When a group of school children was asked to list their biggest fears, most wrote the following:
1. Spiders
2. Being Kidnapped
3. Various Predators
4. The Dark
When the researchers asked them about things like “being hit by a car” or “not being able to breathe,” the kids all agreed that those were much scarier than seeing a spider, but spider was what they thought of first. Genetic links were also studied. If your family members fear spiders, it’s highly likely you do too because you often share both the nature and nurture sides of the coin.
Surprisingly, I don’t have arachnophobia. I usually laugh when I see spiders. They’re so weird. Like tiny octopi scrambling around. BUT the thing that turns me off about spiders (quite like mice and snakes) is the “sneak factor.” They’re lying in wait. Again, the trust issues.
Those 90s "No Fear" shirts lied...
Writing this, I was pleased to discover that I wasn’t alone and that most of my fears are shared by millions of people and made the list. There’s just one that didn’t though: Get me outside and put a bird or a moth or even a butterfly (don’t say bat, don’t even freakin’ say that word to me) close by and have it do that wing flapping thing near me and watch an actual demonstration of someone’s psyche going “Awwww hellllll nawwww!” Horrific!
Anyway, I think we’ve learned something here. Our fears are deeply rooted in our heredity, our social specs and also our most personal experiences. So the next time your kiddo is scared of something or you find yourself in a panic over triviality, remind yourself that everyone has fears and the best thing we can do is try to understand and respect both the world around us and all the kooky things that make us so unique. -Kelly