Rough week. When I feel helpless, my strategy is usually to re-evaluate the principles that anchor and center me. I did that this week, and recognized some vital pieces of advice to remind myself of. I compiled some great snippets of advice in poster form for you to save for your own rainy day. So now I’m sharing it all with the humble admission that I’m just a girl… in the world… or whatever Gwen Stefani said in 1996. Joking aside, how can we right a rogue life ship? Here’s my two cents.
Avoid Situations Centered On Negativity
Routine is the debbil, Bobby Boucher.
There’s that old quote: If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. I know. That saying is more played out than the phrase “played out.” Or… is it? Think about all the stuff that made you unhappy today. It probably didn’t just appear in the past 24 hours.
There are exceptions: I watched a guy get a parking ticket today. Why? Because he parked illegally (innocuously!) and someone I know literally called the meter-maid to report him. Now, if you’re that type of person, negativity is your life blood. But, ick. Your karma has to be complete sh*t after a stunt like that. Isn’t all of humanity joined together in meter-maid opposition? Who calls one?
But that’s just it. Maybe you don’t like your life. Or your fate. So you call the meter maid on people. Or you pull rank unnecessarily. Or you point out people’s flaws or gaffes or when they misspeak. Sometimes you spit when you talk. But I will NEVER acknowledge that. Even if you announce it. No way, buddy. I’ll let you think you’re still flawless in my mind. The people who point that stuff out… or laugh? No. The hell with those people. You see where I’m going here?
If you go to work and complain about your boss, clients, workload, coworkers, pay and benefits (or lack thereof), how the heck do you expect to have any happiness in your day? And if day after day is unhappy, before long, you’ve decided to live an unhappy life.
It takes TWO to argue. It takes two to gossip. It also takes two to tango! And tangoing is sexier and cooler than arguing or gossiping, dig? When people come at me with negativity, I avoid.
You need to feel important? I don’t. Bye.
You need to be right all the time? Lol. You must be super insecure. Bye.
You wanna fight? I will assassinate you with kindness and smiles and charm. Bye.
When someone targets you with negativity or invites you to participate in whining or complaining, skedaddle fast- or they’ll zap your shine. And mama, my ma, my mama says, if you join in that negative life you’ll never have a positive one. Just ask Bobby Boucher… or Vicki Vallencourt. Or The freakin’ Fonz.
Seriously, eradicate negativity and don’t engage. I think that’s big.
Set A Meaningful Goal
Stop. When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up? Unless it was “a puppy or a kitty” (like my sweet baby cousin dreamed) then… are… you… that? Or are you not? Pretty sure no four year-old picks software developer. And yet… Lots of four year olds pick firemen. Why can’t you be a software developer/volunteer fireman?
My point is, when was the last time you tapped into who you quintessentially were back before the world became “the boss of you”? What dreams did you give up to please other people? At eight, I decided to be a writer and eventually went to college for it. By 22, I was getting my second degree to teach because everyone said I couldn’t “just be a writer.” I had to be “practical.” Okay, well, I was a teacher for 10 years. I liked it. I still do it semi-annually. But I finally heeded the voice within that told me teaching was never my dream, so it can’t really be my path. Not if I’m going to stay true to myself.
What’s your dream? Whether it’s huge (to become a movie star) or tiny (to have a yard full of beautiful flowers). And then literally start setting small goals towards making it happen. Get up everyday and say, “Today, I’m going to _________.” Set achievable goals. Today, I’m going to google “method acting” or “how much does an agent cost” or “what type of flowers can grow in sandy soil in my crappy three-foot yard?” Knowledge toward a goal is straight power.
Goal: To be a novelist. And to do that, people will have to care about my books. But since my blockbuster book isn’t done yet, I’ll write a blog. And it’s going to make a mark. And be my signature. And show the world who I am. So, if you’re reading this, you’re helping make my dream come true. Right. Now. More than words, thank you. Now go do it for yourself and let me return the favor.
Treat EVERYONE well ALWAYS- but go out of your way for at least ONE person a day.
For my first book The Green Locket, I wrote a story called “The Wise Fool.” In it, an omnipotent King learns the hard way that everyone from the mightiest monarch to the lowliest beggar should be treated with the same level of respect, compassion and value. When I wrote it, I was thinking of the book of Matthew (25:40, actually) where God basically says however we treat the least of His people is how we, in essence, would treat Him. No other passage has impacted me so personally. Since I was little, that passage has become a life-defining concept.
I get so mad when someone treats someone else poorly. Or when people are just cold, distant or unfeeling- when someone ignores or dismisses someone else for no reason. Who are you to hurt another person? What if they were sent to teach you an important lesson or give you a life-changing gift? What if they’re the Lord incarnate and you look down your nose? No. Treating everyone with esteem is the best, fastest way to grace- and also- if you’re going to be selfish- to getting what you want in life. That’s just a fact.
Let me share my trick for supreme happiness. When I feel like garbage, I pick up my phone and text or post someone a compliment. My best galpal, my cousin, an old friend, an acquaintance. “I just wanted you to know that…” and I dig deep for the most treasured sentiment I hold in my heart for that person. And I unabashedly send it.
Oh, the impact. They usually respond in tears, and, often, with some return compliment that takes away all those garbage-y feelings you had to begin with.
***If I die tomorrow and you remember nothing else about me, DO THIS ONE THING.*** Your life will be so much better for it. My secret’s out, I guess, but know when I reach out that I’m truly genuine. It means I love you enough to take the time to show you. That, I’m absolutely certain, is what life is all about.
Be Kind To Yourself
Remember my birthday blog from June? So, I just told you to give and give and give. But as the trite axiom goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. My weakness is often choosing comfort over discipline. Hedonist? Yes, darling, I am, and so are all my favorite people! But it’s not an option. Reward yourself!
That meme, “Life is short, buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the vacation”? Yesssss! We fight with ourselves constantly. But if I eat the cake and take the vacation, can I afford the shoes or even fit into them? Yes, I think, you can. You can have it all, if you’re kind to yourself. You probably can’t have the Louboutin’s AND the gold leafed crème brulee AND the trip to the French Riveria- and if you can, call me.
But you’re able to treat yourself with the love and respect and forgiveness you deserve in your every day life. You have to. How can we delight others if we don’t allow delight into our own lives? What’s your favorite meal, pastime, show, indulgence? Give in. You owe yourself that much and life will feel kinder when you’re kind to yourself.
So that’s it. In review: Avoid negativity. Work to make a dream come true. Treat everyone well- and one at a time- treat them wonderfully. Be good to yourself.
These are truly my life’s philosophies, my soul under a microscope. Guys, I just quoted the Bible and The Waterboy. Love it or hate it, this is who I am; and again, I’m a work in progress. I don’t have all the answers, but I do ruminate on life semi-professionally for your entertainment, so that’s gotta count for something! And if it doesn’t, let it be known that if a bus hits me tomorrow, this was my creed and the hopes and dreams I hold for myself and all the other dreamers out there just trying to be good people on this tiny, spinning, carbon-based sphere in this particular patch of the infinite and terrible universe. -Kelly
