It’s July 28 and I don’t even have a tan line. Did someone hit the “warp speed” button on summer? The Fourth of July was my only day spent outside “relaxing.” Otherwise, this summer was work with a side of work, seasoned with work and sprinkled with a work garnish. I blame myself. It’s a lack of planning.
We make life WAY more hectic, frantic, annoying and stressful than it should be. Are there logical life hacks that, if properly enacted, would streamline the process of keeping ourselves alive and functioning from day to day? Yes. So I sat down and made a list. Viola! (I pronounce that VEE-ol-Ah) It turned into a blog. Not a frog. I shall now share it with you.
First things first. Perspective. None of this matters, okay? What did you do four years ago on the second Tuesday in January? You don’t freakin’ know- unless it’s your birthday or someone died… or you were in prison. THAT’S the big stuff. All this day-to-day crap is ‘grand scheme’ pointless. Will you lie on your death bed wishing you folded the laundry that one day in 1991? No. So don’t sweat the small stuff, or you’ll get wrinkles… and heart disease. The point of this is: let’s spend less time on stuff we gotta do and MORE time on stuff we wanna do. Ok?
Now that that’s out of the way, here’s my Top 10 Life Hacks to Save Time and Stay Sane
1. The Two-Minute Rule. When deciding whether to do a task (or procrastinate), this is a go-to decision maker. Can it be done in two minutes or less? If the answer is yes, DO IT NOW. Accumulate too many of these little two minute jobbies, and you’ll spiral into freak-out mode. “Save yourself the stress if it takes two or less.” (I just coined that phrase; I’m also a poet. Household chore verse. Very romantic.)
2. Write down goals. I read that we’re 3x as likely to do a task if we’ve written it down. When do you first sit down for at least 35 seconds in the morning? When you eat breakfast? (PS- if you sit down at a table to eat breakfast every morning, you can stop reading now. I thank you for stopping by, and I aspire to your greatness [or to how little else you have to do].) When you first get to work and sit down at your desk? Or when? (Don’t say the toilet, you savage, but… whatever works.) Now! As early as you can, make a list of three columns and label them NEED-WANT-DREAM.
In the first, write what you absolutely HAVE to get done today. In the second, put what you would really LIKE to accomplish today if conditions were optimal and all hell did not break lose, like it inevitably will. In the third, write what you would LOVE to do today- what you actually wish this 24-hour snippet of your life would be if you weren’t bogged down with obligation junk.
You might say, well, everyday I’ll be writing “Consume life-threatening quantities of margaritas in the Bahamas” in the third category. That’s fine. That’s good, actually. Because I’m willing to bet that you’ll get almost ALL the “Need-To’s” done everyday. You might even get some “Want-To’s” done some days.
But eventually you’re going to get sick of looking at that same goal day after day in the “Dream-To” column. And it’s going to light a fire in you to progress towards that Dream. You’ll block off your calendar. You’ll start a change jar. And you’ll eventually throw in a buck…some fives. Tens. Twenties. And you’ll get to the islands, if you want it bad enough. And you deserve it for all you do in columns 1 and 2.
3. Assume the worst. I’m not a doomsday prepper, but it’s a concept we should consider. There is nothing worse than a wrench being thrown into the day. If you want to keep cool, limit minor frustrations by being more prepared than a nerdy little boy scout! I’m married to a nerdy, big, super good-looking former boy scout, so I should know. Here’s a love story for all you romance lovers out there…
My phone used to die constantly; I could never find my charger, because I was always shoving it in a purse, throwing it in the car or leaving it at someone’s house. Eventually, one morning, I woke up and my phone was plugged into my nightstand. Fully charged. As usual, I grabbed it and charger, threw them in a purse like usual and proceeded through my day. After leaving both downstairs that night, I woke up to find that my phone was on my nightstand, plugged in fully charged, once again. What is this black magic? Back then we were mere fiancés…
“Did you charge my phone?”
“Yep. I did last night too. I get worried that it’ll die and you’ll get a flat tire or something. If you always keep it in the same place and charge it at the same time, it’s one less thing to worry about. I’ll do it if you forget.”
“But what if I’m driving and…”
“I bought one for the car, too. It was a couple bucks. You shouldn’t need it now. But in case you do…” *He smiles* (*He’s really good-looking* *Did I mention that?*)
And SCENE!
Eventually it became habit, and when I forgot, he didn't. Pretty nice to have a helper. Seriously though, they're 6 bucks on Amazon. There's no reason not to have one in every room in the house.
Moral of the story: You gotta get the little junk out of the way if you’re ever going to find time to ruin your liver on a tropical island.
4. Keep your must-haves on hand. It’s the little stuff that pushes us over the hairy edge and into fresh hell. I’m pretty sure my place in the dark underworld is that Realm of the Inferno where no one has snacks, hair-ties or Chapstick. I can’t. Like, I can’t. Last summer I bought three variety packs of hair-ties and LipSmackers and stashed them EVERYWHERE - at work, in the car, in every room of my house, in every purse. Instantly increased my quality of life! Then I went to a bachelorette party where they handed out little “survival” bags: band-aids, Tums, aspirin, lady-girl products, hair-ties, Chapstick, sunglasses, eye drops, a pen… I put it in my car and now, boom. The other essentials are two umbrellas, a pocket-ish-sized one and a GIANT golf one for your car. (And don’t keep it in the daggone trunk- you’ll “just run” because it’s “faster” -you’ll hate the rest of your day.)
5. Pack a food and a drink stash. Hangry is real. Keep bottled water and semi-non perishable food in your car/purse/desk. Some beef jerky, 100 calorie snack packs or granola bars. Yeah, yeah, we all think we’re “dieting” when we leave for work in the morning, but by 11AM when we’re doing that thing from The Devil Wears Prada where we eat a cube of cheese every time we feel like we’re about to pass out. Yeah, let’s don’t do that.
6. Get gas when you’re free and the weather is nice. Nowhere to go after work? No one waiting on you at home? Still got half a tank? Get gas. Those moments where the digital display has been on “0 Miles Left” for 10 minutes? You’re always somewhere remote or it’s night, or your husband isn’t a phone-charging boy scout. Get gas when you DON’T need it.
7. Encapsulate chores. You know those Russian Dolls that fit inside each other? Whoa, that sounds kinda… anyway… Take that approach with chores and errands. Assign a time limit and cram in all you can! First decide if your tasks are active or passive, and then encapsulate them. Maybe you've got people coming over and only and hour to cook, clean and finish a few things. Here's your Russian Doll Plan.
4:55- Let’s say dinner’s in about an hour (6:00) and people will be coming home/over then. You throw laundry in the dryer. It’s going to take 45 minutes. (passive)
5:00- Use the first 15 min of your hour to prepare dinner (active), which is going to then bake in the oven for 30 minutes. (passive)
(Here’s the point where you’d generally sit down with a glass of wine and turn on HGTV to see what Chip and Joanna are shiplapping today. Not yet. Oh, get the wine, but stay focused.)
5:15- You make a salad, clean up the kitchen and do the dishes.15 minutes. (active)What else has been on your mind?
5:30- Half bath. Wipe down, sink, mirrors, toilets. Fresh towels. And the entry! Hang up coats, line up shoes and straighten up. 15 minutes. (active)
5:45- Pull the food out of the oven. Set the table. (active)
5:50- Retrieve the laundry, fold it… put the clothes back in the basket and hide it in your closet! Putting away laundry does not take two minutes and was invented by satan.
6:00- Dinner like a boss bc you just accomplished A LOT in an hour.
8. Compose yourself. Ladies, on insane, over-slept mornings, you need a “five-minute rule” for each element: hair, makeup and wardrobe. If your best friends aren’t dry shampoo and two bobby pins, you’re doing life wrong. Here are some of the fastest, foxiest hair and makeup time savers out there. (Oh my gah, I love her!)
Wardrobe? Find TWO go-to outfits. When you feel fat or the weather is bi-polar or you hate everything you own, have something you’ll put on and feel great in, even if you wear them every week. Best advice. You can encapsulate your wardrobe just like your chores. There are about 20 work days in a month. Check out how 10 clothing elements can make 25 outfits to keep you looking amazing everyday without a tearful 20-minute morning closet frenzy. (L-O-V-E)
9. Be prepared… to lose weight and gain time. You don’t want to hear it, but one of our biggest stressors is food. Life hack it! If you buy a bag of grapes, take two minutes, cut the stems and put sections into plastic bags. Grab one to eat in the car on the way to work so you’re not doing the cheese faint. Pre-portioning snacks and pre-prepping meals sounds like the biggest pain in the ass until you do it once and feel like you have a personal chef for the rest of the week. It’s the real answer to weight loss and convenience. Here are some ideas on streamlining starvation prevention.
Cook on a Monday and have a new dinner each night until Friday? Score. http://www.theloop.ca/turn-that-1-humble-chicken-into-4-deliciously-epic-meals/
Snack prep in Mason jars? Freakin’ Mason jars! What can’t they do?
10. As always, reward yourself! Last but NEVER least, build indulgences/rewards for yourself into every week. And there’s something for every budget. If you’re super broke, sleep is a good one. Pick out one night that you’ll feasibly be able to go to sleep early or catch a quick nap. If that’s out, (here comes my broken record) send a text to a friend telling them how awesome they are. They’ll return the favor and you’ll feel good.
If you’ve got a couple bucks to work with, go outside your routine. Pick a new dinner spot, spring for the $20 vs the $10 bottle of wine or, girls, buy a new shade of lipstick/ guys, try one of those hot lather shaves at the barbershop. Or get a massage! Or dessert! Or, if you’re ballin’, every time you check off everything in the first two Goal categories for a whole week, buy yourself a present. Me? I watch Netflix documentaries in a bubble bath with a glass of wine. And’s it’s heaven on earth.
And those are my Top 10 ways to hate life less and love it more. Now, again, I’m no life guru. I just play one on TV. So, take my ideas with a grain of salt and make them work for YOU. I cooked this blog up after a tough, tough month and a desperate attempt at trying to squeeze more writing time into an already jam-packed schedule. But I really feel like we create our own stress most of the time by winging it and having our attempts fall flat. If we invest more time on the front-end (the planning end), we’ll spend less time on the back-end putting out fires. And no one likes fires on their back end, am I right? -Kelly
